Sunday 22nd December 0515
It’s howling outside. We have Momo completely closed up. I’m on watch since I can’t sleep anyway. The only thing keeping my head on straight is that Bernie is trying to sleep, which means he can’t be too worried. But I feel like we’re going to turn upside down any moment. I’m not quite comfortable with this, lol. I keep thinking of Ibis. Except we’re 350nm offshore now and would certainly be fish food if Momo capsized. But she’s been around the world safely so I have faith! And as Bernie said “you can enjoy this more retrospectively!”
I have Danny on my mind this morning. I miss him so much, miss the thought of all the things we were looking forward to doing together. I woke in the middle of last night full of anger for the first time. Anger at the girl who killed him, anger at those who should have loved him unconditionally for being so critical and couldn’t see him for his own special qualities , anger at Carly for being so nasty to Danny that it made him cry, when all he ever tried to be was good to the selfish piece. I’ve tried so hard to suppress all that but I guess it had to come out sometime. I went on deck and the night sky was so magic, it helped drain my anger, let it go for now. I still feel like sneaking to Hope’s hospital bed and whispering in her ear “you killed my son, bitch” but it won’t bring him back. I still feel like yelling the definition of a good person is not just to be an A student, but it won’t bring Danny back.
And then there’s the fact that Danny was the most generous hearted person, kind, loving, non judgemental man and I don’t want to dishonour his memory but letting my baser feeling rule. I must just remember the wonderful years he was with us, the immense joy he brought me and that I’ll always love both my boys. Other people’s actions are on them, not me, and I need not be responsible for them. Though I would take a bullet for my boys any day.
0700. Bernie’s up and teasing me for my fears! And making coffee, happy days. We’re still doing in excess of 8 knots and the wind speed is about 30 knots with the sea state at 5, I’d say (2.5-4m). Everything looks better in the light of day!
0845. Bernie’s been telling me about courses you can do to learn to ‘read the waves’. He reckons its codswallop. So we’re taking turns at poking our heads through the hatch and gazing at the sea in the faint hope of detecting a pattern. Looks as likely as reading tea leaves, if you ask me. No fishing today!
1500. The wind’s eased so we’re going to brave the aft deck and have a shower! In case you’re imagining a real cubicle shower, sorry to disabuse you of that notion, but all I mean is we take turns at standing starkers on deck, tipping sea water over ourselves, then a fresh water rinse! Nothing fancy but quite pleasant nonetheless, since the sea is so warm.
1340. I’ve lost a day! Bernie and I have been sick, some kind of gastrointestinal bug. Not fun at sea. So we’ve been a bit moronic, doing what’s necessary and little else. Looking after each other. Watching TV!
On the plus side, there’s been so much sea life, many different kinds of dolphins and whales. Turtles, even saw a baby one. And these cool tiny fluorescent blue things we couldn’t identify, like fire flies of the sea! This morning, about 4am, a bird landed beside me on deck, looking a bit done in. He didn’t fight much when I caught him, just a half hearted peck. I helped him take off again but I don’t think he was very strong.
The weather has calmed the farm and we’re now making a respectable 4-5 knots without being chucked about! We have 500nm to run, as the crow flies, to Peurto Vallarta. So another 6 days probably, if the weather gods are good to us.
Christmas Day 0340!
I spoke too soon. Its glassy calm out there! The wind started dropping last evening and I did some fishing. No luck though. We did catch a bird on our trawl which had us both going No, no, no! Bernie dropped the fore sail and I started bringing the bird in slowly, so as not to drown it. Luckily it was only hooked lightly through the side of its cheek. Bernie held its wings while I got the hook out, easily thank goodness. We let him go and he was fine. Poor chap. I wish we’d catch a proper fish. We could use some fresh food.
Bernie is on the mend but my tummy is still delicate. I tried eating a little dinner last night, as I hadn’t eaten for 24 hours, but it fired straight through me in a very unpleasant manner. So no food again.
Have I mentioned there is a ton of bioluminescence in the water here. Its stunning. Momo leaves a shiny trail and we can see the fish and dolphins moving through the ocean. And since its so calm the stars are reflecting on the sea and dancing like fire flies. Its very pretty and also a little spooky! It’s as though there are creatures out there playing tricks on us. I can see how sailors of old got so superstitious!
0445. I just got a message from Matt via the InReach system. So wonderful to hear from him, though I did end up all weepy coz it’s Xmas and I miss my boys and we’ll never have Danny with us for Xmas again.
1100. Bernie and I were both up and on deck early. The wind is truly fickle today so one of us needs to be watching the helm all the time. But it was nice sitting together on deck and discussing all sorts of things! I made omelettes for breakfast with the last of the eggs. Bernie’s gone to have a snooze and I’m sitting under an umbrella I’ve tied to the guard rail! My tummy is still a bit average.
Having been pretty tearful and on edge for much of the day, the roller coaster wave seemed to suddenly calm down mid afternoon. I seem to have zero control over my emotions at the moment. So we had a nice afternoon. Took turns at resting and sitting chatting. Bernie is so kind about my crazy emotions, very understanding and sweet natured.
We got treated to some extraordinary sealife. I saw a big bird just chilling on a log, but Bernie went one better and saw a bird riding on a turtle! He got a photo too. We had numerous dolphin visits and then a school of sharks hung around the yacht all afternoon and evening, accompanied by so many different beautiful fish. I wanted to dive with them all but Bernie thought I’d lost the plot! For a sailor he doesn’t like actually being in the water that much!
For Xmas Dinner I made a rice salad with yellow fin tuna that Bernie had caught and bottled. Damned good! And Bernie made one of his rum specials! Which consists of a healthy drop of dark rum, a little bit of brown sugar and lots of fresh lime juice.