Me Time

5.09.21: Foremost in my mind on our arrival in San Carlos was getting off the boat and getting time to myself. I’ve been feeling sort of brittle, I can’t think of a better word. I can feel my patience hanging on by a thread, small things winding me up which shouldn’t, the joy of being on the sea waning. When I laugh it sounds fake to me, as if it’s coming from someone else. I’m sure it’s a temporary thing but I knew I needed to trip out and do my own thing before it permanently hurt the friendship Bernie and I have.

Possibly the inability to get home has a lot to do with it. Looking forward to having Christmas with Matt and my family was sustaining me. To discover the NZ MIQ allocation system was so unfair and impossible to use, was a big kick in the guts. I hadn’t banked on that, assuming (yes, I know that’s always a mistake) as a native Kiwi, I’d be allowed home to my own country. But no.

So here I am, back in San Carlos for the second year, unexpectedly, with an expired visa.

9.09.21: It’s 0435 and I’ve been awake since 0130. I’ve been back on Momo since Sunday, after a lovely week with Kim out at the ranchitas, staying in Nancy and Glenn’s Casita. It was so good, so good, to get some space, and it hasn’t exactly been fun since I got back.

Bernie worked hard on the engine while I was away; hot, messy work but ultimately a successful task. I came back to an absolute tip. Yes, he’d put away most of his tools, but, holy hell, filth on every surface. I’ve had to scrub practically the whole yacht. There wasn’t a clean cup on board, even the coffee container had a layer of grease, and I had to scrub just about every part of the yacht you could put a hand on, from the floor up. The covers on every seat had to be removed and taken to the laundrette, even Bernie’s bed sheet was black. And the bathroom… God, don’t get me started.

I knew it was going to be bad, but it was even worse. To be honest, I feel totally disrespected. I’m not Bernie’s keeper, slave, skivvie….. What the hell goes on in that head that he thinks it’s OK to expect me to clean it all up? It’s as if he knows I can’t stand mess, so he feels he can just leave it, knowing I won’t be able to ignore it, that I’ll have to clean it up. I try to be tolerant of his low level of personal hygiene and general untidiness, but to be just completely filthy is super unfair.

On top of that, I’ve done a bunch of other work on the boat that’s directly benefitted him and his only asset, Momo, yet have not had one word of thanks, recognition, affirmation. He even wanted me to share the cost of things he had to buy for the maintenance work. Really? FFS. Then was angry at me all day for saying I wasn’t going to pay half his maintenance costs. I was glowered at, ignored and I’m about over it. I’m a heart beat away from leaving. I would if frigging covid didn’t make it impossible for me to get home.

We went out for dinner with new boat friends I’d met. I actually had to ask Bernie to sheath his sword for the night. He was being so awful to me for no good reason. It had potential to be super embarrassing. That I even had to ask….

Yesterday we took out the whole anchor chain, a bitch of a job as it was unbelievably tangled in the last 100 feet for some reason. I cleaned out the anchor locker and laid it out nicely as we put it back in. I imagine Bernie was pleased with my help, but again, not a word of thanks.

13.08.21: We’ve been working on rigging maintenance the last three days. Really hot work, with me having to haul Bernie up the mast multiple times, so hard, he’s heavy! It’s hard on my back and shoulders. I wouldn’t mind so much, but again, I feel taken for granted, no thanks and no positive feedback. He would absolutely have to pay someone to help, if I wasn’t here.

I’ve never felt like such a moaner! It’s not funny really. But I just feel so “used” now. He hardly talks to me. I’m pretty sure he never notices when I clean etc, and I do all the cleaning and nearly all the cooking. Defs all the laundry, even when it’s as easy as taking to the Lavanderia and collecting it! I’ve never ever ever seen Bernie clean the bathroom or wash clothes.

I’ve tried really hard to be even handed and not take sides between him and Michelle. I try to see both sides. And help if asked.

I try to help him navigate the teens with his girls, and tell him not to panic over lack of contact. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be talking to them now if I hadn’t helped. Because he treats them like equals and doesn’t want to “be the adult” in the scenario!

24th September : Enough of that! I’m now house sitting for Claudia, who lives across the road from Glenn and Nancy. She has a dog, Libby, who I’m looking after. I’m really enjoying having the solitary time. We go for walks at least twice a day, do beach cleans and Libby plays with her doggy friends. She’s ball crazy! I’ve also made friends with a local guy who is helping me with my Spanish and I help him with English. It’s fun.

This month is very family oriented for the Hunter-Weston clan! It was Dad and Mum’s 60th wedding anniversary on the 9th, as well as Pip’s birthday. Then Lucy’s birthday on the 11th and Mum’s 80th on the 22nd. Amazing milestones. I wish I could’ve been there.

We’ve had some decent rain this month. San Carlos is so green compared to last year. There’s flowers everywhere. I’ve only had to water Claudia’s garden once! Being here for the two weeks is doing me the world of good. I’ve got some sewing done, read and binge watched Outlander! This morning Bernie actually messaged to see if I was doing OK. Which was nice of him. I wonder if he’s eaten anything other than chips or popcorn!

I bussed into Guaymas a couple of days ago as Emanuel said they were vaccinating at the high school. But they wouldn’t do me. They were nice about it and I got to practise my Spanish!

I’ve been planning some solo travel too. I’m going to Mexico City on October 18th and then down to Oaxaca on the 24th. I’m looking forward to it. I feel if I can spend some time away I’ll feel more inclined to stay with Momo until the trip home.

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